Domestic Violence Prevention, Intervention, and Healing

Need Help:  National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233  1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or 9-1-1

Denial   They may not believe that they are in an abusive relationship. They have found ways to explain away the incidents in order to remain in the relationship.  If the 

Financial  Unfortunately, many women make substantially less than than men and therefore may have limited resources to support themselves.The abuser may control her access to money by restricting her ability to work or access to credit and bank accounts. 

Fear  Threats are used as an effective technique to keep someone in a relationship, which is the goal of the abuser. A woman may have been told over and over that if she leaves the relationship, terrible things will happen to her. He may have convinced her that no matter where she goes, he will find her and never leave her alone. She may also fear living alone and the prospect of trying to support herself and the children. Or he may have threatened to kill her, the children and himself. (Threatening suicide is quite common in relationships where the abuse is mostly emotional.)

Love  A woman usually wants her relationship to work and is willing to hang in there waiting and hoping things will improve. She may believe the promises and explanations her partner offers and may feel she can't simply give up on the relationship because of a "few problems."

Children  Whether she wants her children to have good relationships with their father, or she feels guilty "breaking up" the family, or because of his threats to keep her away from the children, many times a woman stays in an abusive relationship because of her children. Ironically, she will often leave because she realizes her children are being adversely affected by living in an abusive atmosphere. 

Religion  Most religions strongly discourage divorce and the breakup of the family. These ideals are admirable, but when abuse is involved, there is little Biblical support for remaining. But, a woman who has strong religious convictions can feel an enormous amount of guilt if she leaves her marriage.

Pressures from family or church

Surprisingly, the family may refuse to believe there is abuse in the relationship. Abusers can appear to be very charming and likable to outsiders. Sometimes, when a woman turns to her church for assistance, she is told she must stay in the marriage, because of her vows. Fortunately, these attitudes are beginning to change with a greater understanding of the horrible effects of abuse.

No place to go

By the time she decides to leave, her abuser may have succeeded in isolating her from her family and friends. She may feel she has nowhere to go. She may be embarrassed to ask strangers for help and reluctant to go to a shelter, if there is one available.

(Information is from the following website:

Why Does She Stay?